In honour of all the bears we seem to be sighting, this is my story from 2010 from my book "The Get-Over-Yourself Self-Help Book" written before I understood bears...


The Unbearable Lightness of Beans

The bear was sitting at the entrance to the deck looking at me. Well, at first it was just looking at me but then, it decided to gaze off into the trees in a very zen-like fashion as if it was contemplating the meaning of life and I was just some static in the way of the transmission of a universal collective unconsciousness. It seemed to be having a revelation.

This I could perfectly understand given that it had just salvaged the trashcan leftovers of a frozen cabbage-roll entree that I'd found on special just last month at Walmart. I myself felt that very same way after having tasted the stuff. I'm certain those leaves were not cabbage at all but then, the Walmart spokesperson insists they were, even though I insisted right back that if I'd dried those damn things out and smoked them I would have gotten far more bang for the buck I'd say. They never listen to me, these spokespeople; that's because they earn their degrees in Communications and then spend their entire working careers trying to find ways NOT to communicate the truth as it really is, such as the use of psychotropic "cabbage-leaves-my-arse" in their entrees. But anyway...

The bear had resumed looking at me. It wasn't a major bear, really. It was a little bit bigger than the dog, but considerably more hefty... a "big-boned" bear. I figure it could easily have wrestled me to the ground and killed me dead, so I was grateful to see I apparently had a Buddhist bear on a spiritual quest at the end of the deck instead.

The only reason I knew, of course, that we had a bear was because the neighbours were good enough to call out and let me know. The dog, who goes into an apoplectic barking frenzy over june bugs and chipmunks, was sitting at the other end of the deck looking at me... quietly. Now, the thing was, I had to walk towards the bear in order to get to the door in order to open it in order to tell George to call
 the fire department, an ambulance, the SPCA, my sister in New Zealand, Chelsea Pizza and CSIS.

Anyway, I decided to walk towards the bear because sometimes you must throw caution to the winds and leap headlong into your destiny or lack thereof. The bear lifted its paw and continued to look at me. It was obviously a bear with some fashion sense that gravely disapproved of my orange striped outfit, because he shook his head back and forth in deep condemnation. I just knew I should have bought the other outfit instead, but the salesladies were completely disinterested in helping me choose because all they do is spend their days watching to see if you're shoplifting instead of helping you make a decision between plain plaid and orange stripes. I figure I'd have had better luck if I'd brought the bloody bear to the store for an opinion. Not that he seemed like he'd be the kind of bear that would like to go shopping, really, I was thinking.

So I opened the door... I did this apparently for the dog. The dog, deeply relieved, practically knocked me over as she ran like the wind itself into the living room to cower behind the recliner where George was watching a documentary on the building of the White Canal by slave laborers in Stalinist Russia.
"George," I said, "there's a bear on the deck." Given that the bear was about six feet away, I thought I did rather well keeping my voice and all.

"Don't be silly," said George.

George, as it turns out, was no help whatsoever because we ended up in the kitchen arguing over whether to use the fire extinguisher or the rocking chair to defend ourselves. Eventually we decided to scare the bear by banging pots and pans, which didn't work out so well because George wanted to use the cast iron skillet along with the brand new Teflon-coated crepe pan. Well I couldn't have that! So we eventually found ourselves standing out on the deck peering into the now darkening landscape with an eggbeater, a broom, and a can of Heinz old-fashioned maple-syrup beans.

The bear, having listened in on the debate, had left, no doubt deciding to forsake all forms of civilization thereafter--which is a good thing... for a bear with any sense whatsoever.

Next, we may be discussing why Hitler was a better dancer than Stalin.

How do we make it different this time?

What if Canada's first nations people looked at the people who arrived here on ships and said "Look at them! They have no respect for nature or our gods, they are destroying what we believe in, they are having lots of children and more and more are coming, they have their own laws, they are taking our land, they don't respect women as we do, they are going to force us into becoming like them or we will pay the consequences because they have powerful weapons, they are not like us and they have no respect for us, they stick with their own and won't mingle with us." What if they did? They would have been right. We see the results. We are all immigrants. How do we make it different this time?
 
It is important to understand that the Syrian refugees are just that--refugees. They are not immigrants in that sense. These are refugees fleeing from a country in ruins. They had no choice. They are uprooted, displaced and dispersed far from family and what they knew, running from a horrible situation. Why are they refugees in the first place is a question best left to others to determine. Canadians saw an influx of refugees during and after the Second world war. One of its sad realities is that the children of these refugees often were subjected to being raised by traumatized and alienated parents. It became for many a source of great suffering through the generations. How do we make it different this time?

One thing is clear: Politics will not solve this problem. If anything, in this political climate, it is creating greater divides than need be. Polarized as it is. This is a people problem. This is a neighbour to neighbour problem. If a person is hated, they learn only to hate. Hate is a function of fear. That is all. For this, the onus is on all of us and on the refugees themselves, struggling as they are to learn a foreign language and foreign ways and deal with trauma and isolation, to dispel the fear and make common ground. And that common ground is one that requires dialogue and good neighbours.

Out there in the world, law enforcement is facing the results of what happens when fear rules. This is an undeniable fact although it is denied. The level of frustration, anger and concern is palpable because these are men and women who have put their lives on the line to protect the public. And the general public does not know what they know. And they are burning out, leaving, if not committing suicide. Their reaction is understandable because it is not discussed in the public arena in a meaningful way. Their hands are tied and they have no place for honesty. And by not being discussed or faced then how can there be solutions? It is not up to the media nor the politicians to silence reality. Reality is what it is. No amount of social engineering or positive thinking can replace honest dialogue. The onus belongs to those who can see a better way and that includes overcoming fear to bridge the gap. I believe it is possible. It requires good will from both sides. How do we make it different this time? That is a question I put to the politicians, the law enforcement agencies, the refugees themselves and we ourselves.

No amount of arrogance; of race, religion, class need be tolerated from any of us on any side. When it comes to human to human relations, one is no greater than the other. We are all in this together. How do we make it different this time?

You never quite heal. Not quite ever...

I will never leave Himself to rest. Why should he have all the fun cavorting through time without me? I know right this instant he is at the pyramids and all the questions he had about time and meaning and existence are answered. He has found the why and all I can do is know he holds that for me and for the ones he loved, one day found when we follow. But now, I will not leave the man to rest. I guess that's just the way it is for some of us. 

And for all that I've gone through I have no advice beyond a dedication to not becoming bitter. That there is no point to blame. That the rest of your life is a remnant of your love carried to your last day with courage and a prayer and a faith forward. 

And love the one you're with, with the aching understanding of how precious the time we are given is. For it is precious.

It was both a curse and a gift that we were given knowledge of our own death one day. Life's struggle is to find the gift whether you are the one that is to go or the one that is to be left behind. And when you find that gift, much becomes irrelevant; the affairs of the world a sad if not mad distraction. Love is all we have. The fear of loss is the curse, the understanding that comes with it, the gift. And if you can find the laughter, well, you've found it all. Just love the one you're with. But do not cast your pearls before swine. Forgive when you can. Kindness always. Compassion within reason.

That's all I've learned. 

Have a loving week everyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmactMIhrRM

Love and Peace

Some days it feels as though we are surrounded by fear and anger and judgment and the failed expectations of a generation. There are people who would call those who ask that we practice peace and love, naive and idealistic. That’s fair enough in one sense. Yes, there are bad things, bad actions by people, groups, governments, countries. In this we are not, any of us, naive. But idealism is not a dirty word. It represents hope. And that is what we have to foster for our children and grandchildren. It is vital.

Those calling for love in the face of atrocities and miscommunications and greed and disappointments are not naive. They are the wise. And that wisdom is powerful. It is the act of loving understanding and compassion that is the antidote to anger. It is the antidote to fear and it is the antidote to despair. To bitterness. To futility. It is the antidote to divisiveness. And it is the only “rational” response to the world we have now.

I am going to quote Scott Alexander who said: “I don’t know how to fix the system, but I am pretty sure that one of the ingredients is kindness. I think of kindness not only as the moral virtue of volunteering at a soup kitchen or even of living your life to help as many other people as possible, but also as an epistemic virtue. Epistemic kindness is kind of like humility. Kindness to ideas you disagree with. Kindness to positions you want to dismiss as crazy and dismiss with insults and mockery. Kindness that breaks you out of your own arrogance, makes you realize the truth is more important than your own glorification, especially when there’s a lot at stake.”

There was a time after 9/11 when Canadians desperately attempted to explain to our younger siblings, the Americans, that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11 and they didn’t really need to invade it. They didn’t listen to us of course but the point is, we Canadians were sane then. Whatever has happened?

No matter what the issue, We can observe. Not absorb the hysteria. That is the difference. Observe, support, work towards whatever we believe in, bridge the gaps of understanding most importantly, but we cannot absorb such nonsense of divisive politics and judgment. We have to remember who we are. Canadians. We are a peaceful people. We make peace. We are neighbours.

IMHO We do not need any more social justice warriors. We need social justice peacemakers. This does not mean giving up ground or gains achieved or goals but an understanding that the present and the future needs to be negotiated with good will at its heart between all sides. And though sometimes this is not possible when some are incapable of good will because they are lost in anger and righteousness, absorbing that is incalculably damaging. Observe. Forgive and if necessary move on.

Loving kindness is the simple solution to a complicated world with complicated issues.