Choices

Here in the Gatineau Hills, we temper our days to the weather—the simmering heat, the torrential rains, the rare temperate days. We do this because we live here in greenery that reminds us always of our small part inside a natural world. It is much harder to find this in the city. On weekends now, huge crowds of people venture our way from the city’s cement grey streets in search of rivers and lakes and trees. They feel like an invasion and our little municipalities scramble to find rules and regulations and parking lots while residents, although somewhat used to this in the past, are shocked at the numbers of visitors now. Human beings in times of trouble seek the familiar, the fun, the meaningful. Those of us who get to live it everyday sometimes forget or are lucky never to have known what it is like to hear sirens instead of songbirds in the morning. It is a revelation and a rebellion to touch a tree and not a traffic pole.

How long now have we been in this strange new world? We lose track of time. Has it been four months or five? Does it matter? Mostly we want to know when it will all end. And there are no promises there. And so, for us, so used to predictability and freedom and positive thinking and achievable goals and controlling every little thing, all of this wears on us. We are not used to this. We can be angry, frustrated, anxious, worried, bored, cranky and sometimes deeply peevish. We’ve all been there. It’s just important not to stay there. Which is much easier said than done. It is about finding the stillness inside the noise. And there is and will be a lot of noise. Nobody said it would be easy. Cultural revolutions rarely are. 

And that is where we are.

And when you’re in a revolution, reason hardly matters. In fact, it is reason that can be your enemy. Reason and revolution are hardly compatible. Inside revolutions, the truth is never known until all is said and done. In a world where every argument has a counter argument, every fact has an alternate fact, every known an unknown, and everybody has an opinion, reason will drive you mad. Some would say this is deliberate. Perhaps. It does not matter. This is when you hold on to being “in” the world but not “of” it. Our role is not to take sides but to be still inside the noise until the noise is done. Our role is to find kindness one to another even when we want to rage and argue and judge and shame. At the end of the day it is all most of us can do. One day at a time. One kindness given. One forgiveness sought. One gentle word. One small act of love. We do what needs to be done. We take care of our families, ourselves, our community. We put our faith in love and not hate. It is the wise that understand that choice. It is the brave that understand that sometimes you have to fight for love. And the wisest of all understand that love unites and does not divide. 

It is fortunate for us that love and the fight for it is very quiet. It is so quiet you’d hardly notice it was there. It does not tell you what to think, what to own, what to believe, what to argue, what group to join, what political party to vote for, what gun to buy, what everyone should do, what to believe. It does, however, tell us what action to take. In the smallest of things sometimes. The choice for love, for kindness is always there—in every issue. In every small act.

It’s the masks. 

If ever there was galvanized in one issue all the choices we face in an unpredictable world, it would be the masks. We want to rely on reason alone and that is where reason fails. It is also where faith in institutions fails. Do you believe in the WHO, Health Canada, scientists, experts, your neighbour? The virus is a hoax, the virus is real, the masks work, the masks don’t work, the statistics are made up to be worse than they are, the statistics are worse than we are given, it’s a conspiracy by the elite, it’s an experiment for artificial facial recognition, it’s a communist plot, a way for aliens to live freely among us without recognition, a means to make us all scared so we have to get a vaccine so the rich get richer or the evil empire can put in a microchip or because they want us to be controlled and in our homes so that when the asteroid hits, a way to recognize who is selfish and who isn’t…. Reason fails. Reason divides here. We want to rely on common sense and that is where we realize that sense these days is not common at all. Everyone will have a well-researched reason pro or con. It can easily be said however there is one commonality: nobody wants to wear them.

And here in Quebec it is now mandated.  We have to wear them. Well that great divisive thing was settled wasn’t it? And yes, in a democracy when people can’t agree to be tolerant of other’s choices, that’s how it goes. It was a way to err on the side of caution when people are getting sick and dying. And now we have to live with it—all those who wanted masks are vindicated and all those who didn’t want them are not. And that can lead to trouble. There are a lot of angry people wearing masks they don’t want to and a lot of vindicated people who are ruthlessly and righteously on guard for those who don’t. The fervour on both sides is palpable. For some, the wearing or not wearing of masks is the red-line in the sand. It is where they take their stand. Even though it is all very early in this game of what will happen. So be still. Breathe. One day at a time.

When you come across someone who isn’t wearing a mask you have four choices: 1) You stay away from them and do your own thing, 2) You ask them kindly why they aren’t wearing a mask and hope to learn from each other 3) You scream, argue and shame them. 4) You report them. Which choice does love and kindness give you?

Love may not be reason, but love is reasonable. We need to listen to each other and stay on guard that we do not become the monsters we fight. Be kind.

The Legend of 3G Tripod

Life is full of foolish things--for those of us with fanciful souls. Here in our little community of Chelsea nestled in the Gatineau Hills of Quebec, we (as with communities around the world) are coping with this time in history as best we can. And the search for hope and promise and beauty inside the darkness was and is a challenge. We have made it through some dark times with floods, tornadoes, developments and scandals. More than most communities have had to. The response to all of these things has made us unstoppable as a community. We found neighbours. We found unity of purpose around kindness and care. We found strength. Oh, not to say that there isn’t the odd kerfluffle and hurt feelings and bad things but overall, here in such an unlikely place we have gained so much. What happened then with Covid and the like seemed and seems at times to be too much. Much more than we needed, that’s for sure. On top of everything. Yet, for all that our little community has gone through we were gifted. We were given 3G Tripod. 

3G Tripod is a deer that appeared in our community. She has a broken leg.

When I wrote this story of the lessons of 3G Tripod it was a very bleak time. But something in me said that this deer we named 3G Tripod was a message. After I wrote the story i was living a bit of fear--that we would hear she had been killed on the road, or shot or worst of all someone tried to rescue her and take her away which would have been the worst thing to do altogether. I guess i was waiting for how it would turn out. Just this week Max Gibson posted a picture on our local forum that brought me to tears. The lesson now was clear. Out of pain and trial comes birth. 3G Tripod has a fawn.

Here is what I wrote then:

Ahem… Weekly rant. Thank you all for taking care of the vulnerable and taking care of the caregivers and watching out for your neighbours. I hope everyone is taking their zinc and Vitamin D. And maybe Vitamin C. It can’t hurt. Do not drink bleach. When you don’t know what to do, love the one you’re with. This week’s rant is about the deer.

For those of us inclined to fanciful thoughts, the wounded deer with a dangling leg wandering about Chelsea tells us pretty much everything we need to know at this time. She arrived as a lesson in hope and faith and endurance. We are more than gifted with her presence. No matter what happens to “3G Tripod” (affectionately named Gimpy, Gerta and Gustavia and Tripod by various members) we can accept her gifts to us now during this Covid crisis.

3G Tripod is oblivious to the ruckus her very presence causes. The solution from authorities is to let her be or shoot her. And so we are faced with deciding whether her life is worth living or not. It is painful to see her so damaged with leg dangling. We are moved to pity, to horror, to outrage but we are not indifferent. There is no longterm care facility or retirement home for this deer.  She cannot be put out of sight and out of mind. She is always there. So should we just shoot her and put her out of her misery? But she isn’t miserable. She is being a deer living her life. Who are we to decide her fate? Her presence upsets us because it is an “in your face” reality reminding us that sometimes life isn’t all pretty and Disney. It hurts us to see her. It might even annoy us. And the pragmatists say just shoot her. And the predators say she’d make good eating. And the empaths want to care for her. And the authorities say leave us the hell alone about the damn deer because we’ve got enough on our plate. And the perfectionists say she is offensive to look at in our pretty little world. And the philosophers wonder about the purpose of existence. And we all look at 3G Tripod. Because what are we to do? 

3G Tripod doesn’t much care about all that. 3G Tripod simply carries on as she has over the last winter munching leaves and grasses in the company of her herd. Except for the leg, she is managing her life—doing what needs to be done as a deer. She isn’t lying in the field moaning and weeping and wondering about her horrific lot in life. She isn’t curled up in a ball in the woods somewhere. She isn't seething with anger at the car that must have hit her nor is she wondering what the motives might have been. She isn’t comparing herself to the other deer nor does she spend much time worrying about how much grass there will be come autumn. She is enduring. She is doing what needs to be done. She lives quietly resourcefully and carefully in the moment. And that is all that we need to do. We don’t need to be upset by the reality that 3G Tripod represents, as cruel as it may seem. We need to be thankful. She lives her life as we all can, doing what needs to be done in the moment even when damaged. It is life. Be Calm. Be Loving. Be Safe.

Heart Level Change

We, wearing our masks when it feels like 40 degrees Celsius can’t catch much of a break from this heatwave here in the Gatineau Hills. It feels like gravity is stronger or something and we are dragged down just for the spite of some mad decree by unseen gods.  Masks in this heat… It’s torture really. It is really amazing we do what we do for the sake of others. Protecting. Caring. Hot. Irritated. Slick with sweat. We prefer not to go out if we can. We drag ourselves heavily through the day looking for ice cream and water and air-conditioning mostly or the purring thrum of fans labouring in the hot air. 

Some of us go to the river where silvery fish swim down to play tag in cooler waters. They have learned to love the places where there are shadows in their river. Up here we can see in odd places, the parched grasses catching the warm yellow sun where there was green not long ago. There seem to be no cool shadows on the greenery now, just feeble greys sometimes, like laundry washed too often. There is not much respite. We are not fish. We live up here with the sultry yellow sun. Our river is the very sky around us.

When everything is so bright with light we hide where we can because this place, this dry place dazzles us. But we always know the storm will come. The one that rushes water and jagged thunderous streaks of light from our sky and for a few hours, maybe more, we are appeased.

It’s a trying time to be alive right now. The stark sun on the world’s landscape dazzles to painful squints. It hurts to look at it. It’s as surreal as it gets. At least so far. There is very little we can do about the world I’m often reminded. And that is wise advice of course. So little we can do in a world which at this point seems pretty unfathomable. And that is a fishes’ word—unfathomable. The depths of the waters we are swimming in and its extent not able to be measured by any of us. We watch. We wait. We weather the storms. It is one of those times in history we could never have prepared for but which has happened in similar ways before. If you look at history long enough. And us standing here squinting at the sun means we got through it all then and we will get through this now…whatever that is. At the end of the day, we take care of our families, ourselves, our community. This is always the way it is done. Has always been done. The details hardly matter. 

For some though, the details are everything. They’re in trouble. The bills. The jobs lost. The loved ones sick or threatened by this mad virus. The curtailing of our usual forms of fun and comfort and freedom. The price of food. Tempers flare. Worries ebb and flow. Too many worries to count some days. That’s when you say, there will be a better day and you grit your teeth and get through it. Best you can. You are not alone. There are many like you. Most of all you cut down the noise of the world around you. It may seem a sad thing to know that sometimes when epic change demands of all of us, it is not all of us who can afford to charge ahead to make the world a better place. It is an odd and strange privilege of time, person and circumstances. There are too many of us now who can only do what needs to be done for our families, ourselves and if possible our community. And you know what? That’s okay. Because each struggle, all these struggles and fears we go through individually change the world in the way it is meant to be changed. Where it matters. Where the heart of change happens.

It is wisdom to understand that the heart of change happens in the cool shadows. Not in the bright and demanding sunlight where there are many voices clamouring at us. We can’t see it necessarily so clearly in the dark. The man who lost his job is stronger than he was yesterday because that is what he has decided. The woman frantic with worry over her parents has a look now about her that speaks of determination and compassion. The ingenious finagling to find results on small scales in all the small businesses. The parents finding patience where none was before. The neighbour that said, “let me help you with that.” The old man who said on this I will not compromise and know it. The treacherous child who learns forgiveness. A person's anger and judgment now changed to compassion.  The heart of change does not sometimes happen at protest marches and in great and lofty halls of government. It happens when heart meets strength it never had before. It happens when kindness and a quiet courage replace outrage, one to another: the heart level of change.

You will find that here at the heart level, the changes grow stronger every time. And by the taking care of just those small things by so many people, the world changed. That’s sometimes how history goes. That is how you will find yourself on the right side of history. Quiet. Resolute. Strong. Unwavering.

So when people say there is little you can do and you are not able to scream and yell and protest and fight for causes, know you’re already doing it. You got through the day with strength and kindness. One more day. And you will do it again tomorrow. And by gum, you have no idea how strong you are. Even when you’re crying. Even when you’re afraid. Even when you see no future. Even when you’re madder than hell. By gum, it is heart level change that will get you through. And you have no choice about that.

If it all gets too much this week, this month: wake up early. Somewhere between 3 and 5 in the northeast you can see by the naked eye in that vast river of sky where we spin on this little green planet, the brightest comet we have seen in decades. It is not an omen.  It is light, a heart light, alone swimming in the cool waters to an ancient rhythm of time and space and promise. It reminds us we too sometimes swim alone in shadows but how damn glorious we can be. Be Strong. Be Kind.