Somedays I would be discouraged, about politics, about people, about the powerlessness of effecting change in even my small corner of the world from corporate and individual greed and cliques of fame and power in a world that glorifies it.
On those days I would go out in the afternoon and feed Alphonso and Francesca, the crows. They would sweep to the tree by the deck and watch and if I closed the door they would then go down and pick up the bits I'd thrown them. Sometimes they would allow me to stand in the door but no more. I would marvel at the world they lived in, flying high, riding wind trails, dancing in the sky. Near dusk I could hear them in great groups following above the roil of the river to their sleeping place, a velvet violet sky behind them. They would come back the next day and the cycle would repeat. i would wonder then about the affairs of men, women, the great strivings, business, busyness rush and fuss, the bad things people do to other people, the nastiness of gossip and lies and innuendos. The horrible pain even we were given unwarranted by dishonest and delusional people. How someones we would help and sometimes we were in the hands of monsters of mental health issues beyond help. How far past the point of truth have we gone that such things exist? How can a crow have a better life than a human in this world?
And Himself, finding me crying on the deck in reverie would hold me in his arms and dance me into the kitchen where we would slow step while dinner burbled on the stove and the dog was whining for attention. He would say, Speak Truth to Power. It is the only thing a person has. Always speak truth to power. Because he always knew what i was thinking by the way i was either tired, angry, sad or afraid, or because he lived, as I lived inside his heart, a whisper there, where our souls chatted; in his heart room.
The world is very much with me now. Himself and his arms are memories and I recreate them every day now to find the solidness of his wisdom, the comfort of his touch and the sweet sweet laughter always. We knew priorities and it wasn't money. It wasn't things. It wasn't anything more than truth in love and what came strongly from that faith in each other. For it was a faith in its way. A faith that grows from trust, honestly, love, and time. So much time. I suppose maybe we are only allowed happiness for a time. It should have been more but it wasn't. It is only what it is. We had this time. And that is all the time we had.
I would now rather be a crow. Except for the carrion part maybe.