Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Origins and Origami

LOOK FOR MY NEXT ENTRY OCTOBER 31st! I'm on vacation! Yay!

A couple of days late this week. It's been a busy thanksgiving!!

Les toits sous la neige (d'apres Caillebotte)
S. Shawcross / 30" x 36" / Oil on canvas / $795

Be sure to visit our painting blog: http://thedeadpearsociety.blogspot.com

LOOK FOR MY NEXT ENTRY OCTOBER 31st! I'm on vacation! Yay!

This weeks feature video: Sometimes only George Carlin will do when you're just annoyed at the world. This classic piece discusses class distinctions and what really makes us all equal. It's the little things. Isn't it always? WARNING: Carlin is deeply disrespectful and has very colourful language. Be well advised if you are easily offended.

The Louis Saga Continues: Bidding on the 1,500 word essay "Tell Me about the Rabbit George." Signed, hand-bound limited edition of 1 continues: $91.00 Wednesday, August 24, 2011 Bidding closes midnight Friday, December 2, 2011 To bid send an e-mail to nevermind07@sympatico.ca To follow the initial story see my July post on the right ----------->

CURRENT COMMENTARY: What a good sport Dr. D. was in the publishing of this piece. He said he was pretty much used to the ribbing he has received and approved the copy for publication. This piece was published in the West Quebec Post.

My dear Dr. D. of the Southwest Research Institute:

Hello. I am pleased to be writing you as I feel I may be of some service to you.

As I understand this, correct me if I am wrong, you have conducted experiments by hoisting up into the air with 40-foot cranes, two 2,800 lb granite balls which you proceeded to smash together in order to “test whether the coefficient of restitution would be the same across a wide spectrum of ball sizes, verifying current asteroid models.” In other words, I believe you smashed the balls together to see what they would do.

This “to see what they would do” concept of course, is understood by us lay individuals to be the prime motivating force for the activities of all scientists. It is how that is manifested which becomes important. That is why I am writing to you.

Now it would appear most of the press coverage you have received thus far has deeply titillated reporters who are apparently delighted to write extensively about the size of your balls. Not to mention the references to asteroids, Uranus and their possible derivatives. I don’t want you to feel bad about this, as most scientists of your most high calibre have no clue what nefarious things reporters can do with a turn of the tongue and a twist of a phrase. Nor I imagine do you realize what they mean when they say you had big balls to do what you did. I realize as a scientist that you live on a higher intellectual plain than we and this is certainly understandable given that you probably understood high-school calculus and this fact alone left you no alternative in choosing a career. Understanding calculus is not your fault. We understand.

But never mind all that. The thing is Dr. D., you could have used square pieces of granite, even rectangular, octepussal or polygamous bits of granite. I say this because I believe it is understood that after the creation of the Universe most of the bits and pieces mucking about in the vast nothingness were not actually round initially. Asteroids in fact seem to be rather lumpy and irregular in shape. They are not spheres in other words in nature so the question (the seemingly innocent question) would be: why, if you were attempting to duplicate conditions in space in order to test your theory… well… why did you have to use balls and indeed such big big round smooth balls to conduct your experiment?

In my effort to help scientists such as yourself I have created a Society for the Rehabilitation of Misguided Scientists. I don’t mean to brag of course, but just so you know, I believe with my help many many scientists have taken up needlepoint and given up their foolish experiments. They are much happier than the engineers doing macramé so I know how happy you might be.

Most of the individuals I have helped are indeed not as smart as you and so I don’t believe I need spell it out for you. Here is a hint: what do large balls and the creation of the universe have in common? I think you know. The big big smooth balls were simply representative of your pursuit of learning what happened in the Big Bang. You might not be aware of the colloquial use of that term but it’s a dead away about your particular “issue.” You see, many male scientists have not figured out that they are men first, and scientists second. In order to repress your need to experience the Big Bang, you not only created big big balls but then bashed them together. This is not healthy way of doing things.

I know you must be amazed at my diagnostic capabilities. What can I say! Now you must not be shy. It happens to the best of men. Not that there are many who have actually manifested their sublimated sexual needs in quite such a grandiose fashion, but if we search hard enough there have been some I’m sure. In other words, you are not alone… I don’t think. Well… Maybe you are “somewhat unique” but it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Please don’t hesitate to write back.

Sincerely yours,
S. Shawcross.

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